Friday 25 October 2013

Slacking

So I've been slacking on my blogging. It's been a couple of weeks I think. But do you know why that is? I think I actually have a life...

I got the job where I had the trial and I was due to start today. Why am I not there? I hear you ask. Well yesterday I had another interview and I've got a trial shift this weekend, much much nicer place, nicer people... So can we all cross our fingers that I'm going to get it please! Because if I don't... Well then I'm back to square one with this whole job hunting thing. It's waitressing this time and they said the tips are good. Just a shame I don't have massive boobs because I'm sure that would help me rake in the dollar. So I'm taking a bit of a risk but if it doesn't work out, I'm going to take it as a sign that I really need to get myself a grown up job. What is a grown up job? I have no idea.

In between the whole getting jobs in bars situation, I had a bit of a mini melt down. I was out walking the dog with my mum and I had this sudden do I really want to go into PR moment. Since finishing uni that's what I've focused on, looking for jobs in that sector, looking for experience etc, but I haven't actually stopped to think if it's really what I want to do. It's just typical me, get an idea in my head, run head first into it and then realise I've made a mistake. Just like my trips abroad. Paris seemed like THE BEST IDEA EVER... until I got there. I don't want to work hard to get into a job and then realise it's not what I want to do... But until I've tried it I don't know if it's what I want to do. Ahhhh grown up life is haaard. I wish I'd done a degree that took me straight into a job, like nursing. I bet there aren't many nursing students who get to the end of their 3 years and realise they have no idea what they want to do. And even then, they can get into a nursing job while they figure it out which means money, experience, the ability to move out...

Living at home is really starting the grate on me. So many questions. I've been asked so many times what I want to do with my life. I don't know, okay?! The sympathetic "is everything ok?" question while I sniffle into a tissue has been replaced with "do you think you'll be able to live on a bar job wage, when are you going to get some work experience, do you not want to get a proper job?" while I stomp up the stairs like an angry 2 year old. It's not all bad. It could be worse. I have friends who live in the middle of nowhere and literally can't go anywhere and friends who's parents still dictate if they can go out or not so compared to them I'm pretty lucky. Plus I get like the "presidential suite" up in the attic, hidden away from everyone. Just need a sofa and I'm sorted. Which is annoying, because when we moved house my mum asked if I wanted the spare sofa and I said no... regrets.

I went up to my uni city last weekend to stay with my friend for a few days. She's all grown up with a "proper" job, living with her boyfriend in an amazing house that he owns and he's so lovely. WHY IS THAT NOT ME?! Aside from the jealousy I had a really good weekend. Another girl stayed too and we basically ate and drank our way through the weekend. Pizza, fish and chips and a carvery. Not so good for my waistline. I've put on weight. I'm too scared to weigh myself because I think I might cry, but I can't stop eating. I had a giant Chinese all to myself last night like a little piggy. Then drank mulled wine. Someone come and control me! Hopefully when I'm working full time I'll not have so much spare time to fill with eating and standing up/walking around all day might help me shed a bit. I really want to join a gym, but until I have a car I know I won't go because that would involve a 25 minute walk each way and I'm too lazy for that as well as an hour in the gym. I'm attempting to control my eating. My tummy is telling me to feed it, but after last nights Chinese I think it needs to wait until lunch time. Only an hour until I can acceptably go and make a sandwich.

I was talking to one of the girls I met in Paris and apparently my replacement went from loving the family, children and flat (crazy) to hating it hahaha. YES. It makes me feel better. Not because she isn't enjoying it, but because I know I was right to leave. How different things could have been if they weren't a family of nutters...

So that's an update from me. I still have no idea what to do with my life, but I'm a step closer to a job that fingers crossed won't make me want to punch the customers and I'm no longer on the edge of life. My bubble of graduate sadness still exists, but it's easier to get myself out of it now. How philosophical does that sound.

After saying I shouldn't eat, I really really really want some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Should I do it?

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